Tuesday, August 9, 2011

My husband snores

My husband snores.  Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. In this post, I am going to share my "save your sanity because you love the guy and don't want to strangle him" tips.  :)

Most nights, we race to bed to see who can get there first mainly because, if I get there first, I can fall asleep with out listening to the snoring.  If he gets there first, the bed isn't hot.

(The Mr. claims I catch on fire at night.  Who knew?)

So here is my routine, if in fact he gets in the bed before me and passes out into a deep slumber. 

Step 1.  Generally speaking, after walking into the room and finding your sleeping husband vibrating your eardrums, gently slip into bed with such ease as not to wake him but with a tiny little bounce. 

If this doesn't get him to turn over and stop snoring, go to step 2.

Step 2.  Try tossing and turning.  Now don't go jumping around in the bed, but do turn from one side to the other.  Chances are he'll wake up ever so slightly to turn the opposite direction as you and stop snoring.

Didn't work?  Go to step 3.

Step 3.  This time toss and turn with more force than previous attempts, but take a bit of the covers with you.  By gently tugging the sheets, he may startle and turn over to his side. 

No success?  Commence step 4.

Step 4.  Wiggle around like a fish.  He may wake up and think you are having a seizure, so when you accidentally kick him awake he'll feel sorry for you.  (Desperate times call for desperate measures)

Still no luck, call the cops, it's time for step 5.

Step 5.  Shake him.  Shake him. Shake him.  Tell him to wake up and stop snoring or turn over! 

Step 5 is sure to work, but it does have concequences.  In fact, he is sure to be upset that you woke him over snoring, because he is 100 percent sure he doesn't snore. 

You could do all 5 steps.  Each one an increased level of desperation to catch some zzzzz's.  But lets face it,
you could just go to Target, buy some ear plugs, go to Ashley Furniture, get a King size bed and call it a day.  Both parties will be happier with the King size bed anyway.

But under no circumstances, I REPEAT, under NO circumstances should you ever ever ever take the palms of your hands, place them on either side of your snoring husbands head, and manually turn his head to the side to get him to stop snoring.    He may just wake up and think you are trying to kill him by snapping his neck. 

Don't ask me how I know that. . .

1 comment:

  1. Ha!! My sweet hubby does his share of snoring too... but I usually go straight to #5. I just poke him in the side and tell him to roll over. And I agree on the king sized bed.. we did that a few months ago and it has been wonderful!!